The funny thing is, that all the time I have already known about my 自力更生. Long time ago, in summer 2005 I had a very hard time, the reasons won't matter anymore, but it had been a time of desperation. Before the certain event I had ordered some dvds of the Japanese artist Gackt after my first introduction to him through Malice Mizer- a Japanese Visual Kei band, which he left in 1999. The dvds had arrived some days after the event. The moment the first song had been performed on screen I had gone through a transformation, all the bad thoughts had been swept away and started to be happy again, but it also gave me strength to do things by myself and change a lot in my life.
All these years I had followed Gackt's activities to a certain amount, but never considered myself a Gackt fan until one friend of mine, to whom I told this bout of laughter, and said, noooooooooo you aren't a Gackt fan, you simply happen to have all his albums, all his dvds, fotobooks and magazines with him, went right away to his concert in Bochum, and talking about him now and then, defending him when someone is saying bad things about him and much more., even thinking of a tattoo... but you`re right you aren't a Gackt fan.
Yeeeeesss, seems I didn't acknowledge this certain matter- to be honest, I also had a Gackt calender once and wanted to dedicade my first book to him..... funny how one is looking at some stuff. ;)
Well back on topic- when that certain friend and I had been in Japan, doing Working Holiday, the beginning had been a rough time- especially about finding a job, and I had felt very bad and worthless, my friend wanted to cheer me up, and so I got the pick on a night's dvd and I said, I know that you don't like Gackt so much, but he always cheers me up- so we watched one of his live dvds, which I had taken with me to Japan. Immediately he swept away the bad thoughts and I felt better and some days later I had found a job :).
But I simply had forgotten about this matter, it had been a pure coincidence, or maybe destiny that I wanted to see one of his concerts recently- and bamm.... my world turned bright again. Today I told my therapist about him and that I have found my 自力更生 at last.
It's not only his voice or his music, it's everything together, that he is such a kind person, that he has emotional problems as well, that he wants to give his fans, his Dears, strength to carry on until they are going to reach their goals, live their dreams. During his first tour as a solo artist, Mars Tour, in 2000, he has written a long prologue and and epilogue,broadcasted on the dvd and vhs release, in which he said that, when people are carrying on thanks to his music- then he will be accomplished as an artist.- Maybe that's why I feel what I feel through his music, maybe I will never know, but what is important is that it helps to turn on the light in the darkest night- and that:
If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.
~ Gackt
A special song of him- Returner- 闇の終焉 (yami no shuen (demise of darkness in English)):
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